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Joke of the Day

"Do zombies go to heaven when they die? I hope so. There's lots of nice people up there to eat."

"Why is Santa's sack so big? Testicular cancer"

"i thought i heard a dog approaching but it was just some hot girl's keys jingling. i fixed my hair for nothing"

"What's the difference between a hunter and a fisherman? A hunter lies in wait. A fisherman waits and lies."

"Houston teen kills himself while taking a selfie with a gun He probably should have used a camera"

"Why did the chicken cross the road? I forget how jokes work :/"

"Bad news: I got so busy drafting tweets, I forgot to pick the kids up at school. Worse news: I'm a bus driver"

"So I just heard there is a disease killing off the Alligator population in Florida. They all got Gatorades."

"What do men do after orgasm? 1% Do it again 1% Go Smoking 1% Fall Asleep 97% Clear History EDIT: Punctuation"

"So my new girlfriend plays soccer professionally I think she's a keeper"