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Joke of the Day
"Why is Charlie Sheen always seen smiling? Because he's so damn positive!"
Next Joke
"my wife and I do this Batman role play where I disappear mid conversation like with Commissioner Gordon"
"A feminist asked me how I saw lesbians. Apparently *in HD* wasn't the right answer."
"My cardio is mostly just running out of excuses not to exercise."
"Everyone stop writing movies. Hollywood is just going to make every movie again every 13 years until we all die"
"Most people call me ""bad at pickup lines"" But you? You can call me tonight."
"In ""Beantown"" for the night. I expected more burritos."
"Why would anyone become an architect when everything you do gets destroyed in an X-Men movie?"
"I would love my job so much more if I didn't have to hide my flask."
"*waters flowers* *flowers die* *sprays weeds with poison* *weeds mutate, quadruple in size, grow 3 heads, and start speaking in tongues*"