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Joke of the Day

"my wife and I do this Batman role play where I disappear mid conversation like with Commissioner Gordon"

"Don't die a virgin. Well it's not like you get to choose."

"My mum needs to stop using all the blenders for stew.. It's pissing me off having spicy Oreo milkshake"

"What muscle do Egyptian soldiers generally lose control of, shortly before major battles? The sphinxster ...."

"good cop bag cop. the first cop is super nice. the second is an Adidas sports bag. no suspect has been charged ever."

"Want to play the rape game? No!! *wink* That's the spirit"

"That confusing moment when the person you hate at work brings donuts"

"What's Ron Jeremy's favorite shape? Erectangle"

"You know pterodactyls' don't make noise right? Even the P is silent."

"[snapchat HQ] Boss: anybody got anything good? Guy (who smoked weed instead of working): people with big eyes puking rainbows?"