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Joke of the Day

"Made alphabet soup for a friend The next day he came to me holding his stomach. I asked him what was wrong. He said that the soup gave him a ""vowel"" movement!"

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"Mason jars are the skinny jeans of glasses."
"What do you call a monk who walks everywhere in bare feet, has poor bone density and really bad breath? A super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis."
"I'm a bad person... (NSFW) Why can't you fool an aborted fetus? Because it wasn't born yesterday."
"My doctor said I have hemorrhoids... but I think he is wrong: everybody says I am a perfect asshole!"
"An illusionist was driving down the street and he turned into a driveway"
"Who was the chicken's favorite musician? BAAAACH BACH BACH BACH"
"What is today's best punch line? Paul christoforo"
"""Bartender, see that brunette at the end of the bar? I'd like you to bring her a slice of your finest ham."""
"I got into a fight with my boner this morning: Don't worry, I beat it single handedly"