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Joke of the Day

"I learned today of my friend's death: here's a joke he told me. What's the difference between a dead baby and a sandwich? I don't fuck a sandwich before I eat it."

"While we are on the offensive jokes, here's mine:""What's better than fucking a 13 year old boy against a barbwire fence?"" ""Nothing"""

"I went into a medical shop. ""Have you got anything for irritation?"" ""Yes,"" he said, ""But where exactly?"" I said, ""Fuck knows, you tell me. It's your shop."""

"How do pirates agree with each other over long distances? With their aye-phones."

"Worrying is so stupid. It's like carrying an umbrella waiting for it to rain."

"I met my girlfriend on 11/1/14... But it's now 12/31/15. She's destroyed my KDA this game."

"""I'm a skeleton!"" *kisses and hugs you* Stop that! *kisses and hugs you again* What kind of skeleton are you?!? ""An XO skeleton"""

"I was talking to a hot North African girl for hours. We just clicked"

"For date night tonight I'm taking my wife out for a nice dinner at the Sam's Club sample tables."

"What's the difference between a run-down bus stop and a big-breasted lobster? One is just a crusty bus station, and the other is a busty crustacean!"