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Joke of the Day

"Women call me ugly until they find out how much money I make Then they call me ugly and poor."

"Why don't you mess with one-ply toilet paper? It doesn't take shit from anyone"

"Gary Johnson withdraws from the Libertarian Ticket. Replaced by Harambe. That's right. Johnsons out for Harambe!"

"A Funeral Director isn't the best position in this economy... It's a dying trade"

"How long after walking into someone's house is it acceptable to ask for their WiFi password?"

"Who was the best boxer of all time? Jim Jones, he knocked out 909 people with one punch!"

"""Raiders"" are changing their name to ""Tampons"" They're only good for one period and only have one string"

"How does a train eat? It goes chew chew.."

"TIL you don't actually learn something new everyday. Wait. Nevermind."

"LPT: If your dentist has no painkillers, ask him for Helium. It will be hilarious when you scream."