159802

Joke of the Day

"A helicopter I know was really frustrated after trying to grow his facial hair out His beard was Apache one"

"If you have 4 pencils and 7 apples, how many pancakes will fit on the roof? Purple. Because aliens don't wear hats."

"I told my boss I'm calling in sick today. He said, ""You can't do that when you're already here."" Is that true you guys?"

"I'm coaching my son's soccer team because it's important that he knows I'll swear at other kids, too."

"ME: long time no see! I heard you're a doctor FRIEND: I am. what do you do now? ME: [glances down at open twitter app] I'm a writer"

"Question: what's Erdogan's favorite puzzle game? Answer: pseudo-coup (say it out loud)"

"You can say what you want about pedophiles ...but at least they drive slowly around schools and playgrounds."

"Life is like a penis [dirty] Life is like penis...... Simple, soft, straight, relaxed and hanging freely.... Then a woman make it hard"

"I wish my thumbs had the power of Pandora. I would give people the thumbs down & they'd instantly disappear & be replaced w/ a better one."

"Sex is like math Add the bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, and pray you don't multiply!"