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Joke of the Day

"Yesterday, I told my son about the Tooth Fairy. Today, I find 33 teeth under his pillow. Clearly they are not his. I am very, very afraid."

"[1692 Salem] ""BURN THE WITCH"" U HAVE A CROOKED NOSE, WITCH ""No, Frank, at the stake"" [quickly lighting torch] Right, I knew that."

"I just applied for my medical marijuana certificate. Reason: Joint pain."

"The corner of this table hurt me and made me cry, so now we're dating"

"For all we know, half the birds are telling the other birds to shut up."

"What do lawyers and sperm have in common? 1 in 50 million has a chance of becoming a human being."

"I once visited The Virgin Islands. When I left, they were just called The Islands."

"My electric car is getting a service, so I have to drive an acoustic one."

"Son, I've made some questionable decisions in life & I must go away for awhile to face the consequences. How I tell my 5yo I'm off to poop"

"She wears short skirts, I wear t-shirts, we are both very unprepared for this cold weather"