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Joke of the Day

"Did you hear the one about the streaker who ran naked through a church? The priest caught him by the organ"

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"If I eat lots of preservatives, won't I live longer? No, but you will have a longer shelf life."
"I ruined my health by drinking to everyone else's."
"What do you do when ISIS attacks? Make a mad Daesh to a shelter"
"What's the speed limit of sex? 68 Because at 69, you flip over and eat it."
"Where do you put a black jew? the back of the oven!!!!"
"""Oh shit I murdered someone"" ""You should turn yourself into the police"" ""Great idea!"" *puts on badge and hat* ""Looks like a suicide to me"""
"We need to keep kids off drugs. It's hard enough to find them without kids buying them too"
"A pickup line for people named Matt. ""Hey girl, you should sleep with me, my name's short for mattress."" (Just made it up today, please don't hate me.)"
"What do you guys think of polar bears? I think they all white."