5760

Joke of the Day

"If you see me longingly looking at you at the pub, i'm just wondering if you're going to eat all those nachos?"

"Whenever I see a bruise on a banana my first thought is pity, but then I think it probably deserved it because I slipped on a peel once."

"Mixed martial arts? Why you gotta make biracial people fight each other though?"

"No, I'm not addicted to taking batteries out of clocks. I can stop at any time I want."

"Local news station is airing a segment on free rent in exchange for sex. Look, you don't have to tell me how a marriage works."

"Happy Independence Day!!! This is probably the last time I get to say that."

"What do you call tree sap that won't stop running? Forest gunk."

"I didn't see my face anywhere as a kid... ...then I realised it was right under my nose the whole time!"

"My Grandad spent most of the war on the lookout out for German bombers. He was a lifeguard at Berlin Swimming Baths."

"My favourite joke - Two blondes are standing either side of a river, one asks the other ""how do you get to the other side?"" The other replies ""You are on the other side...?"""