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Joke of the Day

"I have a new party trick. I swallow two bits of string and an hour later they come out my arse tied together... I shit you knot!"

"Maybe the raccoons threw away something very important. Did you ever think about that you big jerk."

"Knock Knock Who's there ! Clark ! Clark who ? Clark your car in the garage !"

"""please human with me"" - bear"

"My mouth smells like a cave someone shoved a bunch of dead animals into, because that's what it is."

"Sometimes I wonder how vegans can survive off what little they can eat and then I remember they just feed off attention."

"Don't smoke kids... Because smoking kids is illegal."

"I don't get why everyone told me how great it is to swim with dolphins. I've been stuck in this tuna net for five days."

"What do you call a disobedient feline pirate? A mew-tineer! And what do you call a genetically altered cow? A moo-tant, of course!"

"When asked about hobbies, don't start lap dancing. #jobinterviewfail"