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Joke of the Day

"How did the hipster burn his tongue...? ... he drank his coffee *before it was cool.*"

"A bird in the hand is never as fun as a hand in the bush."

"[school teacher job interview] Can I ask you some questions? I don't know CAN you? haha impressive [stands] welcome aboard!"

"Well, today i had a brainfuck Guess i'm not a surgeon anymore"

"How do you say genius sarcastically? Apple genius."

"Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth... Then it's a soap opera."

"what do you call a retarded person who crapped their pants down in the dump."

"Since I'm home alone tonight, I'm carrying around the biggest kitchen knife I could find. You know, to stab any murderers who come for me."

"I'm a scientist that's researching beastiality between humans and dogs. I'll be in my lab"

"Why do Jews hate soda? Because they're gassy"