206031

Joke of the Day

"Where do you find a dog with no legs? Wherever you left it."

"The only thing worse than a male chauvinistic pig is a woman that won't do as she is told."

"I'd like to be a double agent. Or maybe a single agent/pirate. Maybe even a velociraptor. Definitely a velociraptor/pirate agent."

"Are you going to take a bath? No I'm leaving it where it is."

"Every morning when my alarm goes off I think, ""this is the worst thing that has ever happened to me."""

"The pig jumped into bed with my 6-year-old all by herself. It was super cute. Then the pig threw up all over her. Considerably less cute."

"Why do bunnies have soft sex? They have cotton balls."

"I asked my redneck friend what he thought of the Trans-Pacific Partnership He said that as long as they don't marry, then he's okay with it."

"I'm so drunk I can speak fluent Ozzy Osbourne."

"Why do people always make such a fuss over how much a newborn weighs? It's a baby, not a stash of heroin."