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Joke of the Day

"Marriage is like a deck of cards... In the beginning all you need is two hearts and a diamond. By the end, you wish you had a club and a spade."

"If you see someone over the age of 9 wearing sweatpants, pull them aside & say ""Friend, you're wearing sweatpants."" They might not know."

"How do you turn a duck into a soul singer? Put it in a microwave until it's Bill Withers."

"Wife: You said you'll keep me as a queen but you make me dig the farm all day. WTF is this about? Husband: Darling you are my Queen of Spades."

"What do you call hundreds of crows at a Catholic church? A mass murder."

"What do tou get when you cross a Rooster and a Cat Sex"

"Q: How do you get a Polak out of the bath tub? A: Throw in a bar of soap."

"Pick Up Chinese Girl I asked a Chinese girl for her number. She said, ""Sex! Sex! Sex! Free sex tonight!"" I said, ""Wow!"" Then her friend said, ""She means 666-3629"

"Armed assault on the banter convention Shots fired."

"I dropped food on the floor and my dog got excited but it was just tomato. I catfished my dog"