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Joke of the Day

"Do you remember that creepy girl who stood behind you on a train 6 years ago and was smelling your hair? Hi!"

"Why was the killer whale fired from his restaurant job? Because he didn't serve a porpoise..."

"Somebody said you sound like an owl"

"Wonder when that family from Russia is going to realize I took a selfie instead of a photo of them standing in front of the Chinese Theatre."

"Daughter: You're invading my personal space Mom: You came out of my personal space"

"What's George Washington's favorite element? Americium-1776"

"Why did the apple cross the road? To get to the other cider."

"I live in constant fear that my kid will become a famous artist or painter and I will have thrown out about a trillion dollars of her work"

"What does a redneck garden gnome hate more than anything? Transplants"

"My girlfriend left me when I refused to go the gym with her. It's a shame our relationship didn't work out."