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Joke of the Day

"Guy: If u won lotto, what'd u get? Me: A cat sitter G: To take extra good care of Sox? M: *pictures a cat in a suit taking care of me* Yes"

"Dark humour is a lot like food Not everyone gets it"

"How many Republicans does it take to screwin a light bub? Zero. They're so fucking dumb that none of them can screw a light bulb to begin with."

"Why can't you be friends with a tampon? Because they are stuck up cunts."

"What's worse: Alzheimer or Parkinson? Alzheimer. I'd rather drink my beer shaking than forget to to drink it."

"Pro tip: Next time you're at a bar, go up to a woman & whisper ""Hey, wanna get outta here?"" If she says yes, you can sit where she was."

"My Internet was out for a while so I went downstairs to talk to my mom. She seems nice."

"Opening a gym... Gonna focus on power walking & door knocking. I'll call it ""Jehovah's Fitness"""

"My Wife told me to treat her like a princess So I put her in the back of my car and crashed it into a tunnel"

"What's the difference between a slut and a bitch? A slut sleeps with everyone. A bitch sleeps with everyone but you."