159188

Joke of the Day

"I just got cut off by a bald man in a BMW, so I pulled up next to him, rolled down my window, and laughed at him."

"you live and learn, me, i try to die and unlearn as much possible. thats the difference between you and me, those things"

"What is a robots favorite sex position? 1000101"

"My boss said when I'm at work, I should lay off the Doritos. I said ""you're the boss if you wanna fire Bob Dorito and his brother you do it"""

"Death is like a chance to fuck in high school or college If you find out how it was close - you will be surprised."

"Restaurant Activity: Walk over to a table of strangers and ask, ""Who ordered the farts?"" Then, fart."

"How do you organize a space party you planet"

"My phone wanted to auto correct, ""mos def"" to ""most definitely."" I swear, my phone has absolutely zero swag."

"Doctor: are you sexually active? Me: why, what have you heard?"

"Once I had a machine that made counterfeit pennies. I regret it now, but it made a lot of cents at the time."