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Joke of the Day
"My dad said I'm likeable. I think of myself more as a lion but whatever."
Next Joke
"My sister told me she's dating an Irish guy I said, ""Oh really?"" She replied, ""No, O'Reilly."""
"What's long and white? The line to Starbucks."
"Congrats to Ohio State, you didn't have the worst performance of the evening... ...Mariah Carey's got your back."
"Why did the dog wear white sneakers ? Because his boots were at the menders !"
"You heard the rumor going around about butter? Nevermind, I shouldn't spread it. Thank you TheAustr0naut"
"Gay people try to say they're not as permiscuous as they're made out to be, but I've had three separate gay men offer me blowjobs And I've never had that happen with a straight guy"
"This is the rare tweet that history will look back on much more favorably than how it was received in its own time period."
"I just got laid ... off."
"What is a pedophile's first guitar lesson? How to finger A minor"