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Joke of the Day

"You heard the rumor going around about butter? Nevermind, I shouldn't spread it. Thank you TheAustr0naut"

"Kim Jong Un is 30, runs a dictatorship, executes ex-girlfriends, and openly threatens to annihilate the US. What am I doing with MY life?"

"Friend celebrated her birthday today by falling off an elephant in Thailand, if you thought I'm the weird one in my circle."

"What's the difference between a cow and 9/11? You stop milking a cow after 10 years"

"Oh, so you're a Shania Twain fan, eh? That don't impress me much..."

"Leo: *names his child Oscar* Doctor: ""Would you like to hol-"" Leo: ""Say it like we rehearsed it."" Doctor: *sighs* ""And the Oscar goes to..."""

"You guys should stop with the 9/11 jokes. I think they're PLANE wrong! *sigh* EDIT: GRAMMAR CORRECTION"

"My uber driver asked me how my day was so I opened the door and quietly rolled into the road."

"Whenever I shoot something into the trash, I yell ""Kobe!"" But then, my friend follows up by yelling ""Jack!"" I don't get what he's trying to say, but he sure is acting cheesy."

"What's the difference between a Bull Dyke and a Bull Elephant? ...about 100lbs and a flannel shirt"