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Joke of the Day

"Told girl on flight she was pretty and she replied ""Tell me something I don't know."" So i asked if she remembered the quadratic formula."

"What's the difference between the Rockettes and a troop of acrobats? One is a cunning array of stunts."

"Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice shame on you. Fool me three times shame on you. It's always going to be you. It's NEVER me."

"What vegetable parties the hardest? A Turnip."

"School portraits would be way cooler if they were all mid-spaghetti-bite candids."

"Do you know any good water jokes? Well?"

"@funTweeters I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers"

"There are three unwritten rules of life. 1. 2. 3."

"Where does a King keep his armies? In his sleevies!"

"I can't believe other countries are allowed to celebrate the New Year before America. Some superpower we turned out to be."