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Joke of the Day

"Welcome to hipster fights. You can ironically hang your scarves over there. There's PBR and tacos in the food truck. Don't enjoy yourself."

"What's a bigger problem, ignorance or apathy? I don't know and i don't care."

"What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Neil Armstrong? Neil Armstrong WALKED on the moon. Michael Jackson fucked little boys."

"[walks up to guys playing basketball] ""mind if I join?"" you any good? Hell yeah I'm good. Toss me the orange sphere"

"If i was the Grinch, I wouldn't steal Christmas. I'd steal you."

"There was once a magical tractor... It turned in to a field"

"Q: How can you tell if a blonde works in an office? A: A bed in the stockroom and huge smiles on all the bosses' faces."

"What did the burger say to the other burger? ""Aw man, it's my big moment, I'm getting served to someone! I hope I don't *ham* it up!"" The other burger looks at him. ""Holy shit, a talking burger."""

"[Works when you say it]. The best part about having sex with 28 year olds is that there's 20 of them"

"Saying 'Do you want to kiss me as much as I want to kiss you?' only works in the movies and not with strangers at Sports Authority"