1590

Joke of the Day

"i once heard that in the old days, you received a last name based on your profession. if so, what the hell was John Hancock's career?"

"today i won a raffle. received a life supply of marmite, one whole jar."

"mom: no TV for a week! dad: and after you take a bath you can't use your hands to get out of the tub *sons jaw drops* mom: [whispers] nice"

"What's E.T short for? Because he's got small legs"

"I want to die of natural causes like being stabbed to death by a rainforest."

"Life is like a bed of roses. You just have to watch out for the pricks."

"The only reason why i am fat is because a tiny body could not store all this huge personality."

"Just got hired on at a high end restaurant, my main job so far has been oyster preparation And I've gotta say, it really shucks"

"What did the remote controller say to the tv? I know he turns you on but man, that guy just pushes my buttons!"

"What did the ship captain say when his son learned to float ? That's my buoy !"