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Joke of the Day

"what flavor of ice cream do you wish existed?? shaq sweat, nickelodeon slime, or maybe even dog the bounty hunter mullet flavored wow"

"What is the loneliest number? My phone number, call me please! #Please don't"

"I like my women like I like my milk... White, with 2% fat."

"The new Samsung phone shares every picture you take with all your friends as soon as you take it. Good idea. What could possibly go wrong?"

"A man walks into a bar... A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: ""A beer please, and one for the road."""

"I laugh at an ex who now dates an ugly man-pig... Until I realize that maybe she has a type."

"Before Twitter I had to disappoint people in person."

"Why were the Native Americans here first... ...because they had reservations."

"42 percent of statistics are made up!"

"AMA I left the Church of Scientology two weeks ago [Deleted]"