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Joke of the Day

"Doctor will I be able to play piano after the procedure? Doctor: Yes, I don't see why not. Patient: That's wonderful I could never play piano before!"

"My friend asked me how I got so good at guitar. I told him I'm use to fingering minors."

"Why does Dr. Pepper come in a can? Because his wife is dead."

"Aliens: ""Take us to your leader"" ""No"" ""What"" ""Look we've made some mistakes"" ""Just take..."" ""It's been a weird year, half of us are morons"""

"What does a blowjob and a steady job have in common ? I haven't had either in five years"

"I don't like peanut butter... it just isn't my jam."

"Daughter saw old clothes I've saved for sentimental value & said 'I bet you cried when the last dinosaur died too'. She's out of the will."

"Don't pee on my leg and tell me it's raining. I mean, c'mon. Let's spice it up a little. Aim for my chest and call me your ""naughty potty""."

"Whats the difference between two dicks and a joke? Your mom can't take a joke."

"What do you get when you let 25,000 Syrian refugees into Canada during the winter? Isisicles"