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Joke of the Day

"I was pretty nervous doing stand-up in front of a bunch of nudists but then I imagined the crowd in their underwear and it helped so much."

"Why shouldn't we talk about Catholic Priests? It's a touchy subject."

"Creed is Alter Bridge with a stapp infection."

"When we first dated I thought your freckles were dots of inexcusable cuteness. Now I can see how joined up they draw a pentagram."

"How can you open a banana? With a monkey!"

"Why don't the polar bears ever drink Diet Coke in Coca-Cola commercials? Because bears don't drink aspartame, dumbshit."

"How you control your anger Father to son: whenever i beat you, you dont get annoyed, how you control your anger? son: i start cleaning the toilet seat with your toothbrush"

"ATTENTION: This afternoon I will attempt to travel back in time and change history. You'll know I've succeeded if Germany loses world war II and Wednesday comes after Tuesday."

"Why are pirates pirates? Because they arrrre"

"I remember when it was called ""drinking a glass of water"" instead of ""hydrating."""