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Joke of the Day

"I think I've found the worst pornstar name to have at the moment. ISIS LOVE"

"STOP holding secret meetings about my paranoia!"

"Today, I saw that my ironing board cover was wrinkled. I laughed at the irony. Then I laughed again because irony has the word iron in it."

"From my 6yo Me (after having taught her subtraction): ""So, what's the difference between 10 and 5?"" ""They're just two different numbers!"""

"I saw that show locked up abroad. I expected to see more than just a women getting locked up. But that's all it was, that show is so literal."

"A large chunk of ice walks into a bar and places his order. ""I'll take a whiskey on the rocks."" The bartender looks at him and says, ""I'm sorry, sir, but I can't serve your kids."""

"Don't be sad when you find expired food in your pantry. Be happy you outlived it."

"""What's your name?"" ""Who's your daddy?"" ""Is he rich like me?"" These ""reset your password"" questions are getting kind of weird."

"I dumped my boyfriend with a lazy eye. Turns out he was seeing chicks on the side."

"What do jokes and penises have in common? The short ones are never good."