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Joke of the Day

"girlfriend asks you to get wine: You're getting laid wife asks you to get wine: You're getting yelled at"

"The way I see it, the only thing my daughter's little ""boyfriend"" needs to know about me is I ain't afraid to go back to prison."

"I used to think it was no big deal that my gums bled whenever I flossed, but I talked to my dentist about it and she said that it can actually be a bad sign. So now I never floss."

"What do you call a donkey throwing nuts? An astronaut."

"Before I had a child, I never knew that quietly disposing of a balloon could feel so much like a murder."

"Doctor Griffith offers both Veterinary and Taxidermy services. His tag line is ""Either way, you get your pet back""."

"I wanted to have a threesome... but then i realized, if I wanted to disappoint two people at the same time I'd just have dinner with my parents."

"What do the USA and a black hole have in common? They both have a problem with mass incarceration."

"A button on my car broke... Its a pressing matter."

"Two men see a dog licking its nads The first man says, ""I wish I could do that."" The second man says, ""What do you mean? Anyone can lick a dog's nads."""