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Joke of the Day

"There's a Little House On The Prairie film in the works, in case any of you are looking to take a two-hour nap in a theatre next year."

"Did you hear about the old chameleon that couldn't change color? He had *a reptile dysfunction*."

"My parents never allowed violent video games. Just family-friendly board games with questions like, ""Who murdered this guy with a pipe?"""

"Silence is golden. Duct tape is silver."

"How does one sink, that which floats? How does one sync, that which floats? Well, we type case the variable to make sure that both sides of the equation are of type, floats."

"BOSS: I set up a Suggestion Box. Please don't hesitate to- ME: [staring directly at boss while slowly stuffing cream cheese bagel into box]"

"""Your son's been involved in a shenanigan"" What kinda shenanigans? ""It was just one shenanigan"" You called me down here for one shenanigan?"

"How many Psychologists does it take to change a light bulb? Just one. But the light bulb has to want to change."

"Did you hear about the kidnapping at the local school? It's okay, he woke up."

"I don't like using the locker room at the gym cuz the guys always stare when they notice my gym bag is filled with lasagna"