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Joke of the Day

"Which three American Generals won the most during the cold war? General Motors, General Electric, and General Dynamics."

"I'm really upset that Vine is getting shut down, because I won't be able to use the phrase, ""do it for the Vine"" anymore... ""Do it or I'll fucking kill you"" just doesn't have the same ring to it."

"Call me old-fashioned, but marriage should be about a man aligning forces with a trusted ally to consolidate power & destroy common enemies"

"A nurse finds a rectal thermometer in her pocket... Suddenly she realises that some asshole has her pen."

"Teacher: Who fought in the Civil War? Millennial student: Captain America and Iron Man. T: ...."

"I'm a firm believer in the phrase ""If you want something done right, do it yourself"" That's why I masturbate."

"Q: What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball? A: A guy will actually search for a golf ball."

"What's worse than finding half a worm in your apple? The holocaust"

"Sometimes I put a ""for sale"" sign in my neighbor's yard and pray the power of suggestion works."

"The girl I have a date with tonight texted and said 'I have no gag reflex ;) ' So I guess that means I'm taking her to a Nicolas Cage movie"