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Joke of the Day

"Women are super awesome at remembering insults but we have the memory of a goldfish with compliments and need them repeated continually."

"I may not be able to out run the zombies when they come, but this cheeseburger is going to make me taste great"

"Why does 7 have an odd sense of humor? Because he abused when he was younger.. it's really quite sad."

"Did you hear about the new text-a-fart service? It's just one cent per scent sent!"

"When I make you breakfast in bed, a simple thank you would suffice, Not this ""Who the fuck are you, and what are you doing in my house?!"" nonsense."

"Russia doesn't have a online TV streaming service. It's called Nyet-Flix."

"The worst part about being introduced to new people is the panic moment where I think ""Pay attention! Pay attention!!!"" and miss their name."

"*looks up from phone* ...nah *looks back down*"

"I just put a bunch of lipstick up my butt. (NSFW) I've suddenly realized that makeup sex is highly overrated."

"Oh my god, hotels. Relax. My stay was fine."