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Joke of the Day

"George Bush repeatedly tries to crack a coconut on the side of a hot skillet ""Laura, I told you not to buy the god damn hairy eggs anymore"""

"Scientists: Don't freak out about Ebola. Everyone: *Panic!* Scientists: Freak out about climate change. Everyone: LOL! Pass me some coal."

"Number 1 best thing about waterparks: boobs. I'm sure there's a number 2 best thing, but #1 has got me pretty occupied at the moment."

"Like father, like son Son: Dad, why do people suffer so much in life? Dad: ... for the final five push-ups."

"I wish I loved anything as much as middle aged white women love sharing pictures of words written in sand."

"Why is the peanut crying? Because he couldn't handle his roast"

"How did the rabbit know his wife was cheating on him? He found a hare in his bed."

"Who is the richest painter? Manet."

"How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if you crushed his spirit by telling him how worthless he was and deprived him of a good education?"

"I decided today that I want to have kids I hope they taste good"