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Joke of the Day

"A woman says to her husband... A woman says to her husband, ""I'm sick and tired of you pushing me around, and talking behind my back."" The husband says, ""but honey you're in a wheelchair."""

"How many Freudian slips does it take to change a light bulb? Two! One to hold the bulb, the other to hold the cock, uh, penis, I mean, uh, ladder."

"If the inventor of the iPhone battery ever ends up on life support in a hospital, I hope the back up power source is an iPhone battery."

"Co-worker felt bad about throwing away a donation request from the Alzheimer's Association. I told him not to worry, they won't remember who they sent those to anyway."

"What did the Elephant say to the naked man? That's cute but can you breath through it?"

"Weight loss How can you help a fat person lose a quick 300 pounds? Give them a gun"

"ME: *pointing gun* Give me everything. WORKER: Sir, this is a pet shelter. ME: I know. *carried off into the sunset by a wave of animals*"

"Why did the Windows OS skip from 8 to 10? Because seven, eight, nine."

"What bank do birds open accounts with? The one with the most branches!"

"""What happens to germaphobes?"" They wash their hands so often, they dry out and people assume they have AIDS."