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Joke of the Day

"I told my wife to go shopping for a pair of great tits. She thought I was talking about cosmetic surgery."

"My girlfriend just called me old fashioned. I almost dropped my Walkman."

"What's the smartest thing to ever come out of a woman's mouth? Albert Einstein's dick."

"Why is everyone afraid of seven? Because seven eight nine!"

"""I'm sorry"" and ""I apologise"" mean the same thing...except when you're at a funeral."

"Did you hear about the casting for the new Batman movie? People have really Ben Affleckted by it."

"What do people say when you win a game in Egypt? Game, *Set,* and match."

"Did you hear there was a stick up on the bridge? Yeah, they don't know how it got up there considering there are no trees there."

"WIFE: you need a haircut ME: I do not WIFE: *whistles and a little bird pops up on top of my head, chirping* ME: shhhh, she just had babies"

"wife: Why is there a broom in the driveway? me: So your mom doesn't have to borrow the car"