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Joke of the Day

"He told her that trees blossom in her presence. What he meant was that she scares the sap back up into them."

"This is the best day of my life! ""Why?"" I just got 1000 comment karma! ""I don't get it, what's the joke?"" My life, my life is the joke."

"Public speaking is a lot like being on a topless beach. It's only hard for the first few minutes."

"Me: I know panty hose are a little dated but I love how they even out my skin tone Bank Teller: So is this not a robbery? Me: No, It is"

"This forest scent air freshener is really working. Three elk have moved into my living room."

"[religion conference] BUDDHA: What's your opener? JESUS: ""God loves you."" You? BUDDHA (crumpling paper that says Life Is Suffering): Me too"

"I started a book club. A coloring book club. There's a line to get in. We're never on the same page. Nothing's black & white. We're well red"

"Chelsea Clinton charges $65,000 for a 10 minute speech. How many times has her husband said, ""Honey, I can't afford to hear about your day."""

"Your honor I object! That other lawyer is saying stuff that makes my client look guilty"

"What is the worst part about being a black jew? Having to sit in the back of the oven."