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Joke of the Day

"Chelsea Clinton charges $65,000 for a 10 minute speech. How many times has her husband said, ""Honey, I can't afford to hear about your day."""

"I like my girls like I like my pepperoni pizza White, full of fat and red dots all over them... :-("

"Werner Heisenberg is driving down the road. A cop pulls him over and asks ""Do you know how fast you were going?"" Heisenberg replies ""No, but I know where I am."""

"I went to my doctor without any money and begged If you fix this diarrhea I'll do you a solid."

"What did the hillbilly say when he saw the new C7 Vette? NAS-car"

"A curious tradition -- to look at a newborn baby and say to yourself, ""Because of your DNA, one day you will rule over me."""

"I don't really like my beard But it's growing on me"

"My boss wanted to know why I was away for so long. I told him I was in the restroom and he doesn't believe me. He insists I'm lying but I'm really just full of shit."

"What are the names of the first two men to get married under the new Irish gay marriage law? Patrick Fitzgerald and Gerald Fitzpatrick"

"Why does the swimming pool get laid every night? Because he makes all the ladies wet."