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Joke of the Day

"I just created a new rhythm. I really wanted to tell everyone but I didn't want to make a song and dance of it"

"Despite the large variations in ambient temperature, how do warm blooded animals stay warm? By definition."

"If you say ""NO YOURE UNDER ARREST"" the cop legally has to get in the back of your car."

"Elevator A man walks into an elevator occupied by a woman. He asks, ""Can I smell your feet?"" She says, ""Certainly not!"" He says, ""Hmmm, must be your pussy then."""

"So I was fingering my sister the other day. She said ""wow you do it just like dad!"" I replied ""thats what mom said"" then I found my brothers wedding ring."

"What do we say to Boris Johnson and Donald Trump running the world? Hair Hair!"

"Why Wasn't Jesus born in Italy? They couldn't find 3 wise men or a virgin."

"Why are suicide kits so hard to sell on Amazon? They never have positive reviews."

"I had a winning lottery ticket but I couldn't cash it in before it expired and now I get nothing. I am *such* a Democrat."

"When a women says ""What?"" its not because she didn't hear you. She's just giving you a chance to change your answer"