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Joke of the Day

"There are so many scary things in life: -fear -hate -murder -injustice -the woman in line behind me who just said ""boughten"""

"Wanna dance? I can really put your inertia in motion."

"Me: Do you have any mini-ipods in stock? Guy: what color? Me: Any color. Guy: We don't have any. You Sir, have achieved stupid greatness."

"The wife's only listening to you outside the bathroom door to make sure you're not touching the decorative hand towels"

"I pay all my bills in loose coins... I've been told to change my ways."

"[First date] okay just dont let her know you're a trump supporter Her: so what kinda wine should I get Me: haha white is always the best"

"Q: Why did the bear run around his bed? A: He wanted to catch up on his sleep."

"What's it called when a planet orbits its sun 8 times? An orbyte"

"Can't believe it's been four years since we all pretended Michael Jackson never touched a child."

"(My wedding day) Grandma: You remind me so much of your father Me: Wow, thanks that means a lot G: Your father was a disappointment also"