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Joke of the Day

"Super Mario Brothers left me with highly unrealistic expectations of how exciting a career in plumbing would be."

"wife: Can't we just buy a bigger catflap? me: [buttering the cat] We're not made of money, Karen"

"What happened to the defeatists poker business? It folded."

"Well Done to Barack Obama... The first Black man to hear the words 'four more years' without them being spoken by a Judge during a parole hearing."

"Why did the squirrel fall out of the tree? It died."

"I asked my North Korean friend how it's like over there.. He said he couldn't complain."

"Three ways to tell if you're dating an Octopus: 1. They give awesome hugs 2. They have no skeleton 3. Every date is at the aquarium"

"I like making silly faces in group photos because it's better to look ugly on purpose"

"Do they have reserved parking for non-handicapped people at the Special Olympics?"

"I like my women how I like my lightbulbs... ...not too bright, easy to turn on, and hanging in my basement by a wire."