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Joke of the Day

"I'm surprised more people didn't know about the NSA spying programs I mean most of our computers are labelled ""Intel"""

"I saw something really shady in my neighborhood the other day. An awning."

"Because 'brunch' sounds better than 'I slept until 2pm, I have a hangover and I want pancakes.'"

"The store that has everything. I keep hearing about this amazing store that has EVERYTHING. Unfortunately I cant find it anywhere... anyone know where ""Participating Locations"" is at?"

"So I brought a girl home from the bar last night... When we got to bed, she said ""Give me twelve inches and make me bleed!"" So I fucked her twice and punched her in the face."

"Can you name two burgers who are royalty? Sir Loin and Burger King!"

"Sperm can live inside a woman for like 2 weeks. Nine months if things go really wrong."

"I asked the Nazi store for a discount They gave me 8 off."

"Not quite feeling myself today. I'm going to see if booze helps..."

"My eyes are brown with tiny flecks of narcissism."