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Joke of the Day

"Fact: If you get pulled over, as the cop is walking up to you, place an aluminum foil hat on your head and you disappear from his vision."

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"What did the Peruvian defense lawyer say to the Peruvian prosecutor? Peruve it!"
"I raised an eyebrow once. He's an adult now, and he never calls or visits."
"Does it creep anyone else out that Donald Duck eats a turkey dinner on 'Once Upon A Christmas'? Isn't that a form of cannibalism?"
"First, Ray Rice. Now, Adrian Peterson. The prison football league is going to be off the chain this year."
"Hubs says when I drink I'm ""too loud"" and use too many ""big words."" WELL I'M SORRY IF MY VOCIFEROUS GRANDILOQUENCE BOTHERS YOU!!"
"""You are what you eat"" [Eats a confident person] Now we wait..."
"How many Murdochs does it take to change a lightbulb? They were unaware the lightbulb was an issue & regret unknowingly paying to change it"
"Sad to think it's been three years since Notorious B.I.G. would have died of heart disease anyway."
"Girl, are you a glass of water because I think you're about to throw yourself at me."