15787

Joke of the Day

"*spits out mouthful of peacock feathers* I'm sorry, I thought these were for just anyone to eat. *gets escorted from zoo*"

"What do a sperm and a lawyer have in common? They each have a one-in-a-million chance of becoming a human being."

"I just found a fruit roll-up in my pocket That means one of my kids has a grape flavored blunt rap in their lunch box."

"Why is it illegal to masturbate on an airplane? Because its high jacking."

"What do you call a nun in a wheelchair... Virgin mobile"

"I meant to take Tylenol PM, but I accidentally took Tylenol PMS I just think it's funny how you guys only care about me when you want upvotes. Whatever. I'm fine."

"What turns a fruit into a vegetable? AIDS."

"*puts on shirt* *notices shirt has OBVIOUS stain* *takes off shirt* *hangs back up for future attempt at wearing shirt*"

"What do you call a cat with eight legs that likes to swim ? An octopuss !"

"Did you know Lysol kills 99.9% of germs & my toothpaste has tartar control? You would too if you sat in my bathroom without your phone."