157798

Joke of the Day

"What do the titanic and Madelaine McCann have in common? They're both at the bottom of the ocean and full of seamen"

"A nurse takes a rectal thermometer out of her pocket... She sees it and says, ""Oh dammit, some asshole took my pen."""

"First rule of I'd Hit That Club is: don't say ""I'd hit that."" in front of your wife."

"What musical instrument is found in the bathroom? A tuba toothpaste."

"What is the difference between a turkey and my wife? I stuff the turkey before eating it."

"Vets aren't doctors: Mom: Help! Is anyone here a doctor? Vet: I treat horses but maybe I can help? Mom: My son broke his leg! Vet: Ok hang on. My rifle's in the truck."

"What's the first sign of AIDS? A pounding sensation in the ass."

"Why did the chicken cross the road? To go look for his flatmate."

"I hate horror movies where everything goes back to normal at the end. You just had a demon inside you, but yeah, let's go for pancakes."