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Joke of the Day

"HER: What's your cell plan? ME: Bodily decay over decades until inevitable mortal collapse. You? HER: ... ME: ... HER: ... V-Verizon."

"I'm beginning to worry about my obsession with technology. I told my doctor, ""I think I'm addicted to Twitter."" He replied, ""I don't follow you."""

"My Japanese girlfriend had a really bad tempura."

"I log in facebook to see that everyone is at the bar... I go to the bar to see that everyone is on facebook."

"On Reddit you get crucified for not checking your facts... But on Tumblr you get beheaded for not checking your privelage."

"It's no wonder Q: Why did Stevie Wonder step in the turd? A: Because he can't see shit."

"Every.Bad.Thing.You.Ever.Did.[COMPILATION].1080p.HDTV.x264-TORRENT.torrent"

"Doctor asks a patient... Do you use drugs or alcohol? Patient: Nope, but I vape. Doctor: So a no for sexual activity?"

"If Trump or Hillary really cared about America they never would have agreed to a debate in the middle of a Monday Night Football game."

"There were two peanuts walking down a dark alley One was assaulted."