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Joke of the Day

"ISIS is really the worst... ... we should bomb them back to the -- whoops, never mind."

"Mowed the lawn yesterday with my shirt off and this morning there were 50 shirts left on my porch with a sign that said, ""Please wear."""

"I wasn't a fan of my facial hair at first.. But then it grew on me..."

"I've found a diner. Or maybe it's a house. Either way this little old lady is cooking me breakfast."

"My attitude changes in 5 seconds flat. From sweetheart to bitch. So I suggest you don't test that."

"TIL 3 out of 4 people make up 75% of the entire population. Title."

"What's the difference between a nail and a painting? It only takes one nail to hang a painting."

"What did Hitler's cat think of the Holocaust? It was purrfect."

"Where do ghost trains stop? At devil crossings."

"Horse buying tip: ALWAYS ask how much horsepower a horse has. If a horse is less than one horsepower, you've got yourself a crap horse."