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Joke of the Day

"Do you know two places to put water? Well Dam"

"What type of objects do not accelerate, regardless of the force applied? Letterhead and envelopes. No matter how hard you try, they remain stationery!"

"first you light 100 candles, then you fall asleep. this 'burn your house down' spell works every time"

"On Gun Control Yesterday I Called The Fire Arms, Tobacco, Alcohol And Asked The Agent What Fully Automatic Weapon Goes With A Shot Of Burbon. Sean O' Talk Show Host SOS Computer Talk"

"Not saying you're shady but there is a family of squirrels gathered around your ankles."

"You tell one kid there's candy inside an electrical outlet that can only be retrieved with a fork and you're never asked to babysit again"

"What do a woman's anus and a 9 volt battery have in common? (NSFW) You know its against your better judgement, but you put your tongue on it anyway."

"What did the boy say when he had trouble using glue? I'm stuck."

"He told me he wanted a dirty girl so I didn't shower for two weeks. Now he won't return my calls. Forget women, MEN and their mixed signals!"

"Trump worked his way up from nothing. He's going to give every American the same 1 million dollars he started with. That's all you need."