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Joke of the Day

"Cat: I think i have a rash. Doctor Dog: WE SHOULD AMPUTATE YOUR HEAD"

"I get out of awkward dinner party convos by telling people it's my first outing since the psychiatrist declared me unfit to stand trial"

"I just kicked a can in my driveway and somehow ended up with a goal against Brazil."

"What's the difference between scouts and jews? The scouts return from camp."

"I get you, anti-evolution people. I'm too lazy to learn science too."

"No one gave an f about his chicken when he was Lieutenant Sanders"

"Michelle Obama & Melania Trump meeting: *shaking hands* Michelle: Hi, I'm Michelle. Melania: Hi, I'm Michelle."

"Remember when you used to blow bubbles as a kid? Well, he gets out of jail next month."

"One of the underrated 2011 subplots is the battle between local car dealer commercials & hostage videos on who has worse production value."

"I'm thinking of getting a tribal tattoo to express my individuality."