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Joke of the Day

"her: tell me about yourself me: ok so u know when a dog runs too fast on tile and crashes into a wall but then looks at u like its ur fault"

"Treat her like she's the only girl on Earth. Nothing makes a woman happier than the thought of every other woman disappearing forever."

"What was Whitney Houston's favorite type of coordination? HAAAAAAND EEEEEEEYYYYYEEEEE!!!!!"

"What do you call 2000 mockingbirds? Two kilomockingbirds (credit goes to my old physics book)"

"Apple and Fifty Shades of Gray are popular for the same reason ... ... they both offer the fantasy of being dominated by a rich guy, who pushes the boundarys of what you though you were into."

"Bought my epileptic girlfriend a strobe light for her birthday... She will have a fit when she sees it."

"What did Helen Keller say when her dog died?"

"When dealing with women, you can either be right or get laid. You can't have both."

"Remember that things always get worse before they get better. Unless, you know, you die in the process of it getting worse."

"What do a black guy and a paraplegic have in common? They're both only three fifths of a person"