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Joke of the Day

"EXCITED INVENTOR: this is the best thimg since sliced bread!!!!! SLICED BREAD: [anxiously smokig in the corner] i wish i was never invented"

"""Twilight"" is the timeless story of a girl who must choose between ripped abs or clingy dependency."

"Good morning babe! Do you like good girls? [Starts making you breakfast] or bad girls [burns the toast] Him: How did you get in my house?"

"What did Cinderella say when she got to the ball? kluhhh kolchhhh"

"My lesbian neighbors... My lesbian neighbors gave me a Rolex for my birthday. It's nice, but I think they misunderstood me when I said, ""I wanna watch."""

"This is a fake tweet, someone asked me to put their # in my phone so I'm pretending to add it to my contacts"

"Why shouldn't a dentist and manicurist be in a relationship? All they will do is fight tooth and nail!"

"My fear of dogs went away after I dated my ex Cause she was a total bitch"

"What's big, green, fuzzy, and will kill you if it falls on you? A pool table"

"My brother and I both like our women like our coffee... He likes them hot and black. I like them cold and bitter."