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Joke of the Day

"Did you here that Lorena Bobbitt got killed in a car accident? Yeah, some dick cut her off."

"When people see ghosts, why aren't they naked? Do clothes die and become ghosts too?"

"You know, I'm really glad Ben Carson didn't end up being Secretary of Education. I really didn't want our kids learning that the food pyramid was built to store grain."

"What is it called when a cow is unwillingly milked? **Moo**lestation"

"Wife: ""I've made the chicken soup"" ""Thank god for that. I thought we had to eat it!"""

"Me: Why are you in such a bad mood? 5-year-old: I haven't had my coffee. Me: You've never had coffee. 5-year-old: Exactly."

"*CRASH* *THUMP* *SCREAM* *Husband runs into bedroom* H: OHMYGOD ARE YOU OKAY? Me: Yeah. Just taking off my sports bra."

"You're right, strange woman giving me your opinion on having tattoos. I regret them right now because they caused you to talk to me."

"To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office: I will find you.. You have my Word."

"*in-flight announcement* A SNICKERS IS JUST A MARS BAR WITH PEANUTS *struggling noises* PEOPLE HAVE A RIGHT TO KN-"