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Joke of the Day
"You know what else is fun? Playing dead when your husband receives the credit card bill..."
Next Joke
"What is a male pirates biggest fear? A sunken chest with no booty."
"*catches 4yo putting on deodorant* Me: What are you doing? 4yo: Feeding my armpits. Me....as you were."
"'I've been expecting you, Mr. Bond.' - James Bond's mother giving birth"
"Join the war against masturbation!!! We can beat it together!!!"
"At this point, I'm positive I've read the entire Bible via Facebook status updates. *crosses off bucket list*"
"How do you make five pounds of fat look good? Put a nipple on it."
"I don't have a girlfriend but sometimes I like to pretend that I do; I just stand in my room screaming ""That's not what I said!"""
"What do you call a Russian tree ? Dimitree"
"Playing 8-person smash was one of the deepest and most thought provoking experiences I've ever had... I spent the whole time trying to find myself"